This post is written by Donald and Ashton

We are furious! I can’t believe what just happened. I hate going to the movie theaters because it’s a waste of money. I did see Yes Man, because it looked like an absolutely hilarious movie. It fulfilled it’s promises. The preview was hilarious, and the movie was hilarious.

Watchmen’s Trailer

If you watch the Watchmen trailer, you will think that this movie is an action movie where superheros fight bad guys. Little do you know that you have now seen all of the best action scenes in the entire movie and that was only 3 minutes long. The movie is 2:43  minutes long. That leaves 2 hours 40 minutes of drama, gore and blue penises. (Okay, that’s a little exaggerated; I’d guess more like there was 20 minutes of action and 2 hours 23 minutes of other crap.)

Is Watchmen an Action Movie?

No.

Watchmen looks and claims to be an action movie, but it’s not. You could almost call it a chick flick/porno with a lot of gore.

Watchmen Looked so Good!

The opening scene was awesome. The first 10 minutes was perfectly filmed and had just enough action to keep you entertained with the storyline while they introduced you to the history and current events of the Watchmen’s world.

The few action scenes were great. From what I’ve seen of the comic book, they pretty much stuck to the storyline (at least for the beginning).

Why did Watchmen Suck so Much?

1. I already mentioned how the Watchmen Trailer sucked at communicating what the movie was actually about. Misleading me to thinking it was an action packed awesome movie, where in actual fact it had very little action, and too much drama.
2. BLUE PENISES! I did not need to see so much dick. Put a freaking loincloth on. There must have been at least 5 minutes of solid blue penises. Give me a break.
3. Character building: Why spend an hour building the character of a guy who died in the first scene. Knowing that the Comedian was an asshole was pointless to the storyline. Why don’t you build on Adrian. He’s one of the most important people in the storyline, but you don’t find out anything about him until the last freaking 20 minutes. Show the 3 minutes explaining Rorschach’s mask.
4. Gore: I realize this is a personal preference, but bending someone’s elbow backwards is normally gross enough, you don’t need to pop the bones out and squirt blood, too. I thought there was way too much gore, it was just distracting. I didn’t need
5. Storyline: The storyline was just not fulfilling. They spent way to much time on unimportant aspects of the storyline like Silk Specter’s difficulties loving Dr. Manhattan and how the comedian was an jerk to women.  When they could have put a little more time into so many other things. Why did the prison erupt into a madhouse? What was Adrain’s random animal? What was Rorschach’s mask?
6. I wanted more Action. If the movie descriptions and trailer didn’t say this was an action movie, I would have enjoyed the movie a little more… except for the biggest problem, which I saved for last:
7. Dumbest ending ever: The ending was the stupidest thing since leaving the loincloth in Viet Nam…

**Watchmen SPOILER Alert**

The Ending… To prevent possible Nuclear War, Adrain “the smartest man on the planet” decides to destroy the city of New York with a bomb that looks like Dr. Manhattan. This causes Russia to feel sorry for America’s loss and decides to join up with the US (and the rest of the world) against a common enemy… a blue god without a loincloth.

ARE YOU SERIOUS? That’s like saying the Middle East feels horrible about 9-11 and would like to help us rebuild our towers…

If that doesn’t seem stupid, wait for the punch line: Adrian thinks that this united world will now last forever, and that there will never be war again, because everyone is so afraid of Dr Manhattan…. You know, because nothing ever changes… and after Dr Manhattan leaves, the world will remain united for all eternity, waiting for this indestructible being to come back and kill them.

That’s not all… Dr. Manhattan also “realizes” how ingenious this plan is, and since he can see into the future, he can tell that the world will now forever remain at peace.

The only Watchmen with integrity, Rorschach, will not go along with this stupid plan to “save the world.” Since he is dedicated to honesty, Dr Manhattan kills him… great…

The only twist that I enjoyed in this moview was that Rorchach’s diary successfully made it to the newspapers when they ran out of things to print (because the world is now perfect…).

WHAT A WASTE OF MY LIFE.

That the last time I’m going to see a movie just because the previews look awesome… jerks.