Cats are and have always been my favorite pet.

I was getting a load of hay last week, when I saw this little black thing on the side of the “road” I was (slowly) driving down. As I got closer, I saw it was a kitten. I couldn’t believe how freaking small it was. I wish I had something in this picture to give a better sense of scale. (If it helps, that grass is tiny. The cat is probably 3 inches long.)

Click for desktop version 1200×900

Enjoy,
Ashton

Governmentium (Gv)
A major research institution (MRI) has recently announced the discovery of the heaviest chemical element yet known to science.

The new element, Governmentium (Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.

Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second, to take from 4 days to 4 years to complete.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2- 6 years. It does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.

In fact, Governmentium’s mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.

This characteristic of morons promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass.

When catalysed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.

Onion News is freaking hilarious.